once again i am found pouring over the song of songs. for quite some time i have been dwelling in other fine works of scripture; but by the faithfulness of the word that is living, the passion and wisdom of the song draws my attention to be touched by its beauty.
at summer camp last week god asked of me a question that would require ultimate abandonment - he asked if i would let go of my deeply rooted mind-set of what i believe my body image should look like. i remember when he asked me 3 years ago if i would surrender my eating disorder and walk with him to the mountains... i said yes. now, 3 years have passed and an eating disorder no longer controls my joy, my identity, my life. in a world of flashy temptations to sicken ourselves as women in lonely attempts to thin ourselves to a size 2 waistline, it is nearly inevitable that i would carry the litter of my past into the continued healing journey of the present by always being conscious of what i eat, how often i run, or how many pounds i have gained.
but - the hope lies in a 3 letter word; but. god is bigger than society and his word is the only unwavering truth in a world of bandwagon junkies. the question he posed of ultimate abandonment was graciously partnered with the radiant foundation of my identity. "i am my lovers and my lover is mine." this is all that i need to cling to in order to deafen the blasting attractions of todays distorted facades. i, brianna, am god's - and god is mine.
i was unable to say yes to god's question last week. and today, i must vulnerably admit i am still unable (perhaps it would be more accurate to say unwilling). but there is the hope of song of songs 6:3 that will carry me through to that grandiose celebration where i will stand as the stunning, beaming bride of christ.
"i am my lover's and my lover is mine" ~ song of songs 6:3