sometimes i think that i don't feel things like i should. which is strange for me to say seeing as i'm a fierce feeling/sensing woman. perhaps this lack of tangibility in emotions is due to the over-powering numbness of our society. by and large we are a collection of well oil robots mechanically going to and fro with our boundless daily tasks, all in vein effort to draw forth any sense of self worth. this pace of living (or dying?) leaves us with souls that reflect the grey bitterness of early winter, when the radiance of autumn as fled and all that exists are the few remaining gasps of air before the dead of the season storms in.
i am noticing the power that music has on me. with but a few strums of a 6-string or the releasing melodies from the ivories the state of my heart or mind can radically shift. one minute i can be standing in full confidence and bubbling contentment, but if a song that carries with it memories of a love lost travels its way to my listening ears, then i am burned into ashes of introspective achings. quite the opposite is true as well. if i am already buried by the blankets of the dark night all it takes is a little marley or j. johnson to medicate my despair.
if i am going to be totally honest i must expose that there are many occasions where i will play music just so i can feel something, anything. somewhere deep inside there is this fear that i am becoming just as programmed as those around me. in effort to assure myself that the emotions of life are not completely lost, i will insert a disc and allow the somberness of ray lamontagne or david gray to carry my senses wherever he wills. over and over the song will repeat, until the lyrics impregnate my longing to believe that i am a woman of vibrant sensitivity.