Jul 1, 2009

sleepless night

it is 5:19 in the morning and my eyes burn with the pain of restlessness. i have literally been up all night long with only the cold emptiness of my lonely season of transition to keep me company. as i extend a bloodshot gaze out the window, the bleak, gray, colorless sky is a blatant reminder to the lifeless reality that exists when i cease to place my very life in the pierced hands of the redeemer.

the newness of moving back to minnesota is already over. in one fleeting minute the excitement that existed has been quickly replaced by consuming doubts, anxieties, and worries. as quickly as the seasons change in this endearing midwest state so too the emotions of my circumstances manifested themselves from hope to fear. what i am starting to see (as clearly as my foggy mind frame will allow) is the misplaced ways in which i hold the trueness of god's faithfulness. it is far easier to trust in the god of creation when your life is held together by stability. but what happens when the image of stability is represented by something like the dust bowl of the dirty 30's? how do you continue to sleep peacefully at night when the army of the evil one is no longer crouching at your door, but instead wrapping his adulterous arms around your weak and exhausted body? what then?

how soon i forget the unfailing love of christ! when the weight of my situation smothers the ability to rest i need to be reminded of truth, and it is threaded with strands of the finest linens and jewels all throughout scripture. god faithfully led his people to the promise land. god knelt and engaged the shamed woman at the well. god slept while a mighty storm shredded the boat he and his disciples traveled in. god clothes us in beauty and anoints our head with the oil of gladness. god tore the curtain. god conquered the grave. realities such as these are what not only stands against the forces of darkness, but reigns victorious. 

1 comment:

King of the Mazza Monkeys said...

I hope you are able to take a nap after such an early morning!

I'm struck by something after reading your post....Many people in this world feel the same emotions that you felt this morning and, yet, they have no hope because they do not know Jesus. I pray that your moments of isolation turn into a strengthening faith that then turn into a rejoicing in the pleasures of re-uniting with the Provider. I also pray that you would then have various opportunities to continue to share your love with those that have no hope.