there is a glitter that comes with being a little bit older. it seemed that the moment i crossed the quarter life threshold, an abundant of restful confidence was poured from the hands that created me and filled every crater of insecurity that covered my years of youth. what is it about passing the age of 25 that the race to impress others draws to a liberating end and the anxieties of whether or not you have what it takes ceases to keep you awake at night? whatever the reason, i am grateful for it. as i grow older the desire to be somebody fancy lessens (not completely mind you, i think deep down everyone wants to be their own rock star) and the longing to be a servant takes a beaming precedence.
to crack my point past where the dandelions grow and over the fence, i offer the most recent transformation of heart that is taking place within. during the infancy of my life as a follower of christ i shrugged off every consideration of growing into a "proverbs 31" woman. the picture i had of a proverbs 31 woman was the kind of women who wear turtle necks, nude colored cotton briefs and boring full coverage bras. the kind of women who carry bibles with painted flowers on the cover and who would never dare spout off anything close to resembling a cuss word. i was never that kind of a woman. i like to wear panties that make me feel sexy and pink lace bras. i swear, sometimes too often, and i really, really like a cold beer or a glass (by glass i mean bottle) of sassy red wine that makes me feel overly romantic. my bible is painfully tattered and filled with ink stains and there isn't a trace of thomas kinkade anywhere near it. but the older i get the more my ideas of a proverb 31 woman change and the greater my longing to be shaped into one grows.
"noble character". this is as far as i get into the 31st proverb before tears well in the pockets of my eyes. another facet of getting older is that i care more about character, my own and those of the people around me, than i do about the things that they know or the embellishments of accomplishments framed on their walls. i want to follow christ. i want to be transformed, broken, intoxicated with love, and serve selflessly until the day that i die. i want to know of the wild ways in which the grace of god is shaping the hearts of my friends, changing lives, uniting people groups, and delivering radical healings. i crave to learn from the women who have accumulated wisdom from experiences i have not yet tasted - especially from the women who wear nude colored lingerie. a woman of nobility, now that is lovely.
there are 2 women that immediately come to mind when i think of proverbs 31 women. the first is my older sister beth. what makes her so lovely is the stunning style in which she loves. beth is one of the most selfless people i know. she is a gorgeous mother of 4 beautiful girls, with baby number 5 blessing our world this spring. as the oldest child she has the natural ability to protect, nurture, and express every maternal instinct created. the second woman that i am so thankful for is my dear friend kathy. i first met kathy almost 6 years ago but only in the last 3 months have i really begun to get to know her. i am awed by her grace and her fierce strength. kathy exudes intentionality with everything that she does and she has shown me (unaware i am sure) what it is to be a triune woman - lover of god, wife, and mother. they are three separate identities yet mysteriously connected.
it is so interesting to me how desires change with age. the dreams i once thought would decorate my life forever gently fade in light of wisdom and selflessness. my 28th birthday is only weeks away and i am anticipating an even deeper yearning to be a woman of god rather than the attention demanding motives of my youth. i may not ever purchase high waist cotton underwear and i may never stop swearing (though i'm trying to cut back), but i can still be a women of noble charcter - even with the lace around my hips and a glass of wine in my hand.