What's the point? Is anything that we do truly purposeful? Recently I've been walking around in the discomfort of vomiting cultural norms while panting for the ways of Jesus. I attend Bethel University. If it were not for grants and financial aid I would be dropping $30,000 a year to be learn about theology. Although I am intoxicated over the fact that I get to unfold what it means to trust Christ by way of paved paths from the brilliant minds of generations past; Calvin, Schleiermacher, Luther, Baur...I cannot help but counter such a blessing with deeper ponderings.
Afternoons were spent taking silly photographs (photography is the avenue God made for communication - it was lovely), playing hide and seek in the hanging laundry, dancing, and soaking in the warm Tijuana sunshine. This was all we needed and we were fully satisfied.
Why are we studying about the issues of injustice while comfortably confined to our upper-middle class cookie-cutter institution? Why am I wrestling with doctrines and the infallibility of scripture rather than putting legs to the words of God? Why is the main goal among Christians to find a good Christian partner, buy a fancy diamond ring, finance a fancier house and produce 2.4 perfect Christian babies? The Christian dream is the American dream. At the end of the day I truly believe that God is not going to ask me, "Brianna - what are the 5 points of Calvin?" How does my ability (or inability) to articulate TULIP feed the stomachs of the poor or wrap loving arms around the hurting?
I think often of my friends at El Refugio and in doing so I ache to return to them. El Refugio is, you guessed it, a refuge for the homeless elderly of Tijuana Mexico. During my time in
California I would frequently spend long days visiting the beautiful souls at El Refugio. We would cook breakfast together, laugh, try to communicate through our language barrier, and enjoy each other's presence. It was a community that had no choice but to rely on God.
I've witnessed miracles at El Refugio truly.
Rather than multiplying fish, God faithfully multiplied eggs, ham, bread, and oranges. No one ever went unfed and this
unexplainable truth can only be attributed to the blessing of Christ. My friends at this sacred place never asked questions of theology and I never felt the need to impress them with a lengthy string of paper doll vocabulary.
I hope I am not portraying cynicism. Because that is not my aim nor is it how I feel. It's just that I carry a lot of questions about complacent conditioning's and sometimes they keep me awake at night. How do our conditioning's meet the greatest commandments? What am I doing, right now to obey the command to love? I'm fairly certain blogging to an abysmal void ceases to fill the empty arms of the marginal dwellers. How can I live in the affluence of the states and simultaneously run the legs I hope to put on scripture?