the thinker

i'm taking a philosophy class this semester. the deeper we get into the class, the more weighty are the theories we discuss. today after class i called my friend adam and when he asked how my classes were going, i purged the absurdity of this life of faith that we lead. philosophy is built high upon a nearly unshakable foundation of reason, and very often, god exists far outside of the confined box of reason.

one of the things about my form, is that i easily embrace things as they are; skepticism rarely surfaces itself. so when i grow up in a culture that tells me the story of our triune god, it is not natural for me to question. only when i am face to face with the antipathy of god and logic do i then release the thread of inquisition.

because of my philosophy class my mind has become pure havoc. questions about god, suffering, creation, etc. now rage through my thoughts like out of control bumper cars racing head on, bouncing into one another only to ricochet like opposite magnets. today i left class thinking of the totality of my life as a follower of jesus... i devote my life to an entity i have never seen. i read a book written by the hands of men that could have easily been misinterpreted yet i very easily take as truth. i make choices that align with the heart of my unseen god. i use words that i can not even define; words like soul and spirit and even god... it all seems absolutely mad from a logical perspective. and then, when in my heart of all hearts i completely know, that god is far above all reason, i am challenged with arguments that tell me such a position is a cop-out and ignorant.

i realize that being bombarded with theories that repel the gospel message is important. this is all a brand new process for me that many of my fellow brothers and sisters have already encountered. like my boss. i am fortunate that immediately following my philosophy class i go into work where i am able to discuss every new unfamiliar idea wth my boss. his response is unfailingly spacious, offering to me room to question and push back in a way that allows me to travel the path of regression for as long as i need.