Nov 15, 2008

enlightenments from a day of contentment

so far this has been a day of contented perfection. at 7:30 i woke up to greet the morning and poured myself a hot cup of coffee. for an hour i relaxed on the deck reading poetic scripture and warming my skin under the unusually strong autumn sun. after my morning fix of caffeine i stretched my legs with a long run - a pure runner's high formed with each exploding endorphin. and now i breathe deeply under the shade of a tree and allow romantic thoughts of love, creation, and christ to keep me company.

it is the imagination of donald miller that ignites the kiln of my own mind. i just finished the chapter titled 'naked' in his book "searching for god knows what". in this chapter donald miller crushed the stunted understanding that i hold to the story of adam and eve. he makes it vibrantly real, beautiful, and easy for the reader to resonate with the emotions of adam, namely that of loneliness and longing for a helpmate. with one simple sentence donald miller ripped off the blanket that conceals my own desire for partnership. it reads as this:

god directed adam's steps so that when he created eve, adam would have the utmost appreciation, respect, and gratitude.

anonymous reader of my blog i would like you to meet partnership, the deepest yearning of my heart.

now, yesterday i had an appointment with my spiritual director and i shared with her how over the past several months my heart has been growing and softening for a certain gentleman. and i told her of how the fear that surrounds this, terrifies me. but through the gentleness of the holy spirit, she was able to direct me to the longing that lies underneath. it is that of partnership, but ultimately one that is exchanged with christ. this is what makes my heart stir and beat with passion. and an extension of this is a hope for marriage. it is here that the simple sentence rends the fears that bind my heart.

moment of transparency... i long for a man to have the upmost appreciation, respect, and gratitude for me - his helpmate. i have met prince charming once before and oh was he charming! but as i've grown and matured a bit i have realized something. charm is fleeting. if charm were a love song it would be david gray's "this years love". what i am holding out for is deeper that that, it is truer and more pure. it is devotion. and if devotion were a love song it would still be david gray (he is the man), but instead of a catchy romantic tune that talks of many failed loves, and a hope that this round of love will actually last; it would be a sweet proclamation to one person, "the one i love".

i close this vastly imaginative novel of mr. miller and embrace the remainder of the day's offering of contentment. i ponder the depth of our human hunger for relationships. a craving that can only be completely satisfied by our creator and lover christ. but it can be met by friends, mentors, strangers, and helpmates. and i sink into the deep mystery of this god that i serve who chooses to love and to be loved through a living relationship with his creation.

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