Nov 16, 2008

selfish, impatient, self-righteous, pathetic, christian driver.

i'm pretty sure that i am not a christian when i drive. if to be a christian is to be christ-like, then i am very much not that. something very peculiar happens when i get behind the wheel of my mazda, it is almost as if some other being, some horribly evil thing, takes over by body. and recently i have been paying a little closer attention to the disgustingness of this other being - it is so revolting it is actually humorous.

the being that takes over my body has a name too. several of them actually. the first name is selfish, the second is impatient, the third is self-righteous, and the fourth is comedically pathetic. yesterday i was leaving lunch with stephanie, the gorgeous student i mentor each week, and i wasn't behind the wheel longer than the time it took me to buckle my seat-belt when impatient and selfish joined me for a ride. i was stopped at the exit of the parking lot attempting to make a left hand turn out into a busy road. streams of cars whizzed past me showing no signs of mercy. this is the point when impatient hopped from the passenger seat into my lap. there was a 2 second glimpse of hope amid the rushing traffic, i could have made a break for it and been well on my way to the next appointment on my list, but instead some other lady in her big, fat suv decided to steal the open spot and make a u-turn. appalled by her actions,  the worst name you could ever call another human formed it's ugly appearance on the viciousness of my lips. no more than one half of a second passed by when i realized how absurd i was acting, and i have to confess this self-realization only came to be by the eye-contact of another. see, there was a man behind the lady driving the big, fat suv who noticed my lack of patience and decided to let me in...he noticed the ugly word that blasted from my lips too...

the worst of my other identities comes out only when i am in a hurry. and why am i in a hurry? because i am very often running late. i hate a lot of people when i am in a hurry. if you are going less than 90 mph in the left lane, i hate you. if you don't use your blinker, i hate you. if you are over the age of 65, i hate you. oh, and if you have a license plate cover that says "in case of rapture, car will be abandoned". 

as i have been being more intentional about my childish actions (and by more intentional i only mean that i've been humiliated by other drivers so i have taken a few extra introspective looks) i have seriously begun to wonder whether or not i need to anoint my car with oil and replace my washer fluid with holy water. or...i have begun to think of ways that i can begin saying goodbye to the multiple beings that take over my body whenever i drive. the first step i have taken is a one that i have been doing since the day that i was born. i laugh at myself. it's true. whenever i catch how ridiculous my steam-blowing, name calling is (especially in light of the fact that i am indeed a christian) i release a bellowing chuckle and almost immediately those 4 brianna replacements flee.

3 comments:

Renee said...

It's kinda funny cause just the other day I was thinking about this very topic. I have said things to other drivers while alone in my car that I would NEVER say to anyones face. That is just one more reason why I won't put any Jesus paraphernalia on my car :)

Brianna Colleen Millett said...

ha ha! true story ray. i put that plastic jesus fish to shame in no time flat!

King of the Mazza Monkeys said...

Ha..."anoint my care with oil"...that was very funny Bri...