as i creep into the last 6 months of my internship i find myself in a position of questioning. through many months of prayer i have sensed that the next adventure for me is the completion of my b.a. degree from bethel university. so, two months ago i sent in my application andwith that i invited complete strangers some 1800 miles away to determine the next couple years of my life. this is the only plan that i have. there is no back-up. as the weeks pass i receive emails from BU that say the same thing: "thank you for applying to BU, we should have a decision soon." soon my ass. they seem to be on god's time-line rather than the impatient one that i hold.
although there are days when stress runs through my veins like boiling lava, my soul remains calm. i have been spending time in lectio divina the past few weeks and it has proven to be a meditative exercise that re-directs my doubting mind to the faithfulness of the cross. there is a passage in isaiah that god has used time and time again in my life as a solid foundation for me to lean upon. the opening words "do not fear" wrap around my body like a warm blanket and at once i am lost in a sea of tranquility. what is there to fear? in the whole grand scheme of life, with god as my god, there truly is nothing that i need to fear, worry, or doubt.
so, i will continue to wait in this season of unknown, as awkward as it is. and i will take the truth of isaiah and use it as a beacon of hope to light the darkness of my night. the fact of the matter is is that "do not fear" is actually a command, and therefore to worry is sin. my human nature cannot see the colorful array of possibilities that await my company at the end of my internship. but i can lean into truth and walk forward, keeping my gaze fixed on the one who says, "for i am with you".