Yesterday at 12:30 pm I began my heavyhearted journey back to Minnesota. There are emotions and fears and hopes entangling themselves as tightly as the strands of my hair after being tied back in a knotted ponytail for a couple days without a brush to straighten the mess out. My dad flew to San Diego so that he can keep me company and show me sights that he delights to share. It has been a lousy 29 hours since I left California and the web of emotions has yet to unravel itself.
It has been significantly valuable to have this week of transitioning between California and Minnesota dedicated to stopping in National Parks, the Mountains, and checking out miscellaneous Museums. It provides highly craved time to process and winnow through the things in my soul that are of truth, and the things that are of darkness.
From the moment these fears surfaced themselves, I have sought the comfort and wisdom of my friends and my (now former) roommate Diana; all the while praying for wisdom and revelation so that I may understand the root of these fears. What I am beginning to realize through the power of the Spirit moving within me, is that what is really going on in the midst of the havoc of my internal wrestlings is a battle between truth and deception. Why shouldn't’t I have expected such a bloody warfare to take place? I am a slow learner I guess. It is clear as crystal that this is where God is leading me – I have been seeking His face and asking that He may reveal to me how and where His spirit is moving. And from that prayer I ask to be partnered with Him there. God is moving in mysteriously colossal ways.
God is honoring these aforementioned prayers and I am eager to follow after Him, to open my life up so that I may be the unhindered willing partner he desires. Is there anything of a greater threat to the powers of darkness than a follower of Christ who is fierce about obeying the movement of the Spirit? Of course not! There are monstrous fears looming around the throne room of my heart, gnashing their teeth with deceitful desires to break in and ruin hope, obedience, joy, Love; all of the things that are of Christ. What do I have to fear in this monumental life directional shift? It is of the LORD. Perfect love casts out all fears. There is nowhere else that I would rather be than in the center of God’s will – and I believe I am standing tall, front and center.